Is there anything worse than being dragged to the shops for hours? Going shopping for a veteran means ‘GET IN, BUY WHAT YOU NEED AND GET THE F**K OUT OF THERE’. We go shopping to buy what we want. Women go shopping to find what they want.
The missus to a T. ‘I went to buy a dress, but I saw a beautiful pair of shoes, so I bought this handbag.’ I just want to get it over with as quickly as possible, but I know that isn’t going to happen. When it comes to getting ready, within 5 minutes I’m waiting in the car with the engine running, while the missus is prancing around getting ready. I’ve used half a tank of fuel by the time she appears. Once we arrive in town, we park up, there’s no time to waste, let’s get it done.
Veterans walk fast everywhere, we’re physically incapable of walking at the shopping pace. You might be doing a great job blending into your civilian surroundings, but your walk is always going to give you away. Veterans walk with a purpose, as if their trip to the shops is like you’re late for guard duty. I get about 5 yards ahead of the missus and… ‘Will you slow down? it’s not a race, you’re not in the army now you know.’ Then comes the emotional blackmail. ‘I’ll tell you what, why don’t you p**s off home, I’ll catch the bus!’ I slow down and let her catch up. We approach the first shop and enter. It’s a clothing shop. I start to walk in straight lines, trying not to spend a minute longer in there than necessary, but it’s physically impossible for my missus to do that, she’s all over the place.
Veterans can walk around the streets of Belfast patrolling for hours but put them in a shop and they’re f**ked. They lack the energy and endurance a woman has, and the women seem to know where everything is. ENDEX a must read for all Military… Warning! If easily offended, I really do advise you not to read this book. www.clivewardauthor.com
Available on Amazon UK kindle price £2.99 or free on Kindle Unlimited also available in paperback price £5.91 https://www.amazon.co.uk/EndEx-Clive-Ward-ebook/dp/B073C7Z3MW/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1498973922&sr=1-1&keywords=endex
Available on Amazon US, kindle price $3.80 or free on Kindle Unlimited. Paperback $7.50 https://www.amazon.com/EndEx-Clive-Ward-ebook/dp/B073C7Z3MW/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1498918532&sr=8-1&keywords=endex
Available on Amazon CAN, kindle price CDN$5.04 or free on Kindle Unlimited. Paperback https://www.amazon.ca/EndEx-Clive-Ward-ebook/dp/B073C7Z3MW/ref=sr_1_2?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1498918879&sr=1-2&keywords=endex
Available on Amazon AU, kindle price $5.02 or free on Kindle https://www.amazon.com.au/EndEx-Clive-Ward-ebook/dp/B073C7Z3MW/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1498918768&sr=8-1&keywords=endex
Comments