It seemed like we’d been tabbing for hours. The Platoon Commander was still having problems navigating.
‘Do you want me to have a look at the map, sir?’ Sergeant Billings asked.
‘That’s the second time you’ve asked me that Sergeant Billings. I’m quite capable of weeding a bl**dy map you know,’ the PC answered sounding flustered.
‘Sorry sir, it’s just that…’
‘Come on sergeant, spit it out. What were you going to say?’
‘That you took so long deciding whether to go left or right that I thought you were waiting for the UN to sort it out for you, sir.’
‘Not funny Sergeant Billings,’ he replied, handing Billings the map to study.
‘Sir, why is there a wood to our left, but there isn’t a wood on the map? Aren’t we supposed to be sticking to the red areas?’
‘That can’t be wight. That wood shouldn’t be there, according to the map,’ the PC said looking confused.
‘Look, sir, you’re new to this game, so we expect you to f**k up from time to time, but don't abuse the privilege, okay?’ Billings replied.
Then came a few comments from the rear, ‘right grid square… wrong planet...’ The usual, tell-tale sign the troops were getting p***ed off and knew the officer hadn’t got a clue.
‘Get on the wadio and ask Zewo whether we’ve got the wight gwid wefewence,’ the PC instructed the guy who was carrying the radio.
‘I beg your pardon, sir.’
‘Give me the wuddy wadio.’
The PC began screaming down the Larkspur mike so loud that the receiving station HQ could hear him without a bl**dy radio. To make matters worse, so could the local taxi firm, ships in the channel, aeroplanes, the Kennedy Space centre and god knows who else who chatted away on the same frequency. Please share COLD WAR GERMANY 1976. From the book BUMPERS AND BED BLOCKS by Clive Ward. www.clivewardauthor.com
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